he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
