she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
