my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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