Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
