I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize