I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize