Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Couch. On fire.
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