i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
