Whod you bang
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
