we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize