I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This baby is an asshole
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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