The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
