I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
