if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
