I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
