he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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