In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
