Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
