He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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