She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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