Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
