All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
