and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize