Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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