I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
