Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
