Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
