so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize