She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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