i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
