I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
