3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize