Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
