apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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