I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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