I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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