How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
