??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize