Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
