Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
