I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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