return my video game
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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