My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
