I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
