He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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