your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
