Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
