i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
