so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
