I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
