I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
we should paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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