So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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