it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
