I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize