Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
