Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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