i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
