GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
