i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
