So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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