Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
