Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I cut my penus on the lid.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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