Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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