and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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