I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Farmville is her only friend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
