Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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