it wasn't lemon gatorade
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
