I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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