she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
