we're blogging at a bar
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize