Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a search helicopter?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
