she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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