Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
