Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
