I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
