saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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