i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
