You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
